Does not strike one at first glance, but at second, well stole my breath.
In mind, body and spirituality she is complete, and still needs to yet be completed.
Intuition pulls, to touch I crave; yet out of reach.
Thick, golden silk rings fingers itch to entwine themselves within,
Pale, freckled skin that yearns for the caress of my blush lips against it.
Breath stolen by the eyes followed by a smile to put a spin of possibilities through thy mind.
Yours eyes turn to me and even in the dim moonlight, they are brilliant.
Shining as if the stars themselves, had created them.
Your strong arms encircle me and the my heart, that for so long had been frozen, melted.
Every obstacle I have faced had led me here.
To the safety of your love.
I fear no more, my pain dissipates; knowing that you stand beside me.
You give me strength when I am weak.
You make me smile when I just want to cry.
You chased away my demons and brought light to the shadows.
You stitched together the fragments of my shattered heart and gave me hope once more.
I don’t have much to offer but you can have my eternal love.
My mind is a deep well
No one would expect the monsters I’ve discovered.
The beautiful creatures of destruction lurking beneath my surface, patiently await their next meal.
My personal demons in hiding that provoke me into despair.
I’m trying to find myself, list in the current.
I fight the water serpent that tries to crush my ribs with self doubt. And fail.
I chase away the parasites that eat at my joy. And fail.
Drug deep, even deeper, my breath is running out.
I struggle to avoid the eels who sting me with their evil humor. And fail.
I follow the enchanting song that leads me to the belly of the beast who devours my self dignity. And fails.
I’m weak, I need to breath.
I pull towards the surface once more.
I see the sun rays slicing through the rippling waters.
My lungs are collapsing as my fingers break through the barrier.
I suck in oxygen as I’m pulled back beneath the tide.
I confront my creatures again, a never ending battle. This time I’ll win.
I broke my heart with one fatal misjudgment.
I spun out of control, slowly the darkness swallowed me whole.
Self abused and tormented, I became worthless to myself.
Pitied only by my own mind, I numbed my body with any demon that presented its self.
I dug a hole, and at a terrifying pace, I lost track of the sun.
I dreamt one night an angel carried me from my hellish pit.
When dawn broke the horizon, his beautiful eyes stared back at me.
I clutched to him, believing the golden words that flowed like a melody from his sweet lips.
Little did I know the devil came in such pretty packages.
I broke my heart with one fatal misjudgment.
I spun out of control, slowly the darkness swallowed me whole.
Self abused and tormented, I became worthless to myself.
Pitied only by my own mind, I numbed my body with any demon that presented its self.
I dug a hole, and at a terrifying pace, I lost track of the sun.
I dreamt one night an angel carried me from my hellish pit.
When dawn broke the horizon, his beautiful eyes stared back at me.
I clutched to him, believing the golden words that flowed like a melody from his sweet lips.
Little did I know the devil came in such pretty packages.
Beaten down and battered,
I no longer feel it matters,
Invisible walls, again I fall.
Can you all hear my screams of pain?
Or am I just insane?
Around I go, on this Mary-go-round, it can’t be so!
My demons beckoned,
and I lost it all in seconds.
My breath is pushed from my lungs, as the devil whispers to me in strange tongues.
I push a little harder, God knows I’m no matyr.
Blood I’d beckoned from my skin.
One drop falls, followed by its twin.
Each cut swallows the pain,
This razor blade keeps me sane.
I numb my mind with a straw and cocaine.
All attempts to live this life are in vain.
No one will make it out alive.
Not one soul will survive.
I will no longer allow your fear to control my emotions.
The world is full of pain and suffering,
I want joy and love.
I have taken responsibility for my past indescretions and I have paid for my mistakes ten fold.
Everyday I slam myself with guilt and shame for hurting those I love,
It is unnecessary that you also inflict the same punishment.
I have accepted that I was my own worse enemy and I have started to fight the darkness.
The light is seeping through the cracks of my broken foundation,
But I cannot uncover the truth alone.
This struggle is a long journey but I am ready to start.
Take my hand, let go of your fears, walk into the future with me.
Many days passed when I thought that I had no one.
Even my own mind was against me most days.
I struggled endlessly to explain, my pain.
Endlessly screaming in silence,
I begged for my own help but even I had abandoned myself.
I wandered lost in a daze,
Hidden behind so many masks.
I lied to myself, I was never okay.
I abused my heart and I abused my body.
The substances numbed the agony,
But never quieted the voices.
